The internet is addicting

What am I doing here? Who am I? Even without social networking, it’s still easy to sit here for hours…a full workday…just looking. And if I am not online, I’m watching tv. Even though I enjoy educational programming, I am still just sitting there, eyes and ears strained. I still have to look at all the advertisements pointing out all that is wrong with my life and how their product or program will make it better.

Hours and hours. Wasted. I could clean my room. I could write scholarship essays. But every time I try to look for scholarships I see…the lure of searching and watching and sitting. Indulging on every micro thought in my nano brain. How do hair dryers work? What new bands are out there? What’s the definition of “copulate” [even though there are two dictionaries in my room down the hall]. How much money is left on my Border’s gift card? Maybe I can watch a movie that has made it to youtube in 10 videos or less. Or I can watch someone rant about a topic I agree on. Let me check out those new neon bikes from Urban Outfitters. I need to download music. Let me upload these useless pictures I’ll never print out.

My brother plays online games. Hours and hours. With his clans. He’s hurt when people delete him. And he doesn’t mind sitting there by himself, only a shell of a human because he does have friends. They’re all online, with the exception of one school friend…who is also addicted to games…and can only talk about games. Or anime. He watches anime.

I have no real friends. People at school live online.They all want to text and tweet and makes updates of the intricate and personal details of their lives, emotions, and thoughts. If I want to see them now…all I have to do is go to their profile (if it’s public) and warp into their lives. I’m like a ghost that can watch them at that picnic I was never invited to. I can find out what books they like and what music fills their soul with inspiration. I don’t have to say a word – not one acronym. I can just panel over their lives – and then leave. And when I see them in the real world, we’ll pretend nothing ever happened. It’s the best.

My friends have full conversations in texts. When you meet someone new, you text them and ask what’s up a thousand times. My teachers text…at school…yet they take students’ phones. And they text students. They text at the stop lights. I’ve seen it. My English teacher loves her blackberry and to get in touch with her, I can send her a text.

What’s up?
I’m busy at a workshop talk to me in a week.

Week later: Hey I need help with personal statement.
I’m at a conference, I’ll be busy for 3 weeks.

UGH.

There is still the phone…but it’s immobilizing as well. 5 hours of vocal myspace updates. about what we are watching or doing or did.

And I can go find people who have hurt me in the past, and I can see what they are doing, and re-fuel my anger. I can read an ex crushes blog and I can feel sour and satisfied at the same time.

And my friends…tell me about their iphone apps and pandora lists. And about the latest energy saving device.

Yeah, there is live chat, but c’mon. Who really enjoys wasting their time staring down at someone who is staring down because of the fact that the camera has to be pointed at their forehead?

And I can blog. I almost forgot. Even now, at two in the morning, brain starved of oxygen, I can still be plugged in. My eyes are dry, but I can’t stop. I want to stop, but I have nothing else. No one does, even when they think they do. i have no audience here and no one cares about alternative education. No one cares about what I think. I’m not important. No one even knows who this really is. I’m trying so hard to pack up and live in the real world, but it’s so hard. I’ll be alone. As a teen today, I will be an outcast. A shadow without some type of social networking fix. Modern technology is destroying the human race one brain cell at a time.

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Posted on July 30, 2009, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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