Vuk, Acceptance, and Compost
Dreams are silly things sometimes.
I was introduced to a guy named Vuk, although my brain tried to change his name twice because, well, Vuk just doesn’t make any sense, even in a dream. I tried Luk and Lupin, but Vuk was still the background name, and I gave up. I was introduced to him by a female friend who doesn’t exist in my waking life. Vuk was a tall guy with short blond scruffy hair and a simple smile. He opened his arms and said, “Give me a hug.” I hesitated, he’s a stranger and strangers are bad, but went in for the embrace. Right away I felt accepted and secure that somebody cared. I backed away and he looked down on me, still smiling and said, “Ah c’mon, come here.” And so he held me again and the feeling intensified and I felt I had known him for years. It was against all reason and order, but i didn’t care. I didn’t think the normal things; this is just infatuation, it takes 3 years before a serious relationship can reveal itself, etc. But beyond that though it was more than a relationship feeling, I simply felt that somebody cared, without judgment, conditions, hesitation. Vuk let go, lingering in to hold my hand for a while, and I was now smiling. He said he would see me later, he had somewhere to be. When he left I figured my normal insecurities would return, but that didn’t happen. I felt sure and secure.
Later on I had a movie goer view of Vuk talking to my dad. My dad was standing there intentionally but jokingly telling embarrassing stories of my childhood. And I saw Vuk standing before him, chuckling. He remained calm and was not repulsed.
Then I was climbing a naked pine tree and someone else was climbing another one alongside me, and we held huge pine tree logs in our hands. I looked down and asked irritably, “Hey, did you forget to mulch around these trees?” “Oh, yeah, sorry,” the other person replied. “Oh well, now I have to do it, and I slid down and the mulch appeared.
Then I met up with Vuk again in another scene and he came with me to my old room. he asked how long I had that room and I said since I was two years old. I corrected myself, “No since I was four, and I’ve lived here for fourteen years.” He said, “Wow,” and was impressed. I was proud too. And As we were about to lie down and move to another conversation (oddly the relationship was not sexual in nature, more platonic), I woke up.
I still carried the feeling of the hug, and throughout the day it faded from it’s intensity and zen, and now I don’t remember it at all. I watched a program that said that researchers now think that dreams serve an actual purpose – to consolidate memories and information. I think they consolidate emotions too; concepts that as silly as they may be, were found significant in the waking life. Do I like a cartoon character? No. Vuk looked like a real person, so I didn’t even think it was Jeremy until I started this blog post. But his personality, tied into my current emotional “temperature” came together and were shown to me. Like a projection. It’s hard to explain.