Curdle Motif Strikes the Chord

I remember back in Kindergarten, the world was such a less threatening place. Happiness was achievable, the sun was gleaming on my face.

We could play and learn and laugh on the rug and we could befriend anyone ’cause we had no room to judge, and we lost that time and we lost our minds and we’re stuck in this place.

And I miss the colors that I used to see, and I miss the things that we did believe.

Later in your life came the drugs and the booze, and you found out that your parents were more fucked up than you, and life got lonely and you were only fifteen. And you thought you were so different from everybody else, that soon you forgot how to be yourself, and you live in the dark but there are momentary sparks of memory.

And you miss the person that you used to be. And you miss the things you did believe. And we have to hang on to something to remember who we are, to feel half as good as we did back in Kindergarten.

-Curdle Motif, Riverside California

***

No one asked for this. It’s really wrong to be born with this innate curiosity, happiness, and joy, just to have it sucked away by the reality of “life.” All of this song minus the drugs and booze is true for me. Even for those who grow up to have optimism and a secure circle of family and friends, they’ll never be as happy as they were in kindergarten. NEVER. Who would’ve thought that pain existed, and judgment, and this constant overtone of fear and submission? Not even KINDERGARTEN is safe now! They have stupid entrance exams and waiting lists and homework worksheets. And I can’t even say now. When I was in a racist private school back in the 90’s, I was forced to think about Africa and perform long division, while the 1st graders had to recite their 19 times tables next door. I had to recite the periodic table of elements at my graduation, and we fooled them all because the projector was in a mirror in the overhead room and I could see every letter, and I got a standing ovation. That standing ovation is the emptiest feeling from my childhood. It was apathetic for me. My teacher hated me and tried to get me paddled for accidentally stretching my friends because I was clumsy. When I got an F on my math assignment she said something like, “Seems like you’ll never get it.” If you didn’t stand “a block apart” from your peers while waiting in the dim hallways, you were yelled at. But even then I wasn’t thwarted the way I would be today. I kept playing and I kept having my crush on Mikey, the kid with silver teeth, diabetes, and two perpetually missing two front teeth – and Christian, the kid with chronic asthma. I made the best of my days. And despite their troubles, they made the best of their days too. We all did.

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Posted on July 28, 2010, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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