I’m going to feel horrible about this forever and ever and ever. Only two weeks into living at the house I mentioned before, I found a new place to live, so I’m leaving. Two people downstairs are also moving, so everyone else, including the friend who arranged for me to move in, is left to face eviction. Three folks are looking at other houses to squat or rent. My friend and her boyfriend are unsure of what steps to take.
Our housemates are livid with the other people leaving because they’ve only been around for three months, and gave the impression that they were there for the long haul. It wasn’t until I managed to organize a house meeting that one of them spoke up about their decision. I learned that these other tenants were given the full scope of the living conditions before they arrived. They got primed on the fact that this is a “scummy punk house” and made it seem like they were down. When I heard this comment, I brought up the fact that I was less informed. When I asked about cleaning before I arrived, my friend told me it was kind of messy but in progress. But that still left me unprepared for what I met. They all feel stabbed in the back, mostly by the others, but I know they think I’m a bitch too. Especially considering that I’m moving in with a close friend of theirs who I’ve met since arriving. I don’t think my friendship with my current housemates will hold up for long.
In truth, this house as been in the balance for quite some time. My friend told me, back in November, that the house may not survive. This was also the case for the month of June, weeks before my arrival. She was looking for other options at that point and even then she said I can stay with her no matter where she lived. I’m not sure the place I’m moving to will do that same, even though I am totally willing. I’ll have to figure that out soon. Even though I’m moving in with a good friend of hers, he is a lot more particular about house conditions. Either way you toss it, this was a double-bind from the start. Given that I’m not the major catalyst in dissolving the house, I don’t need to be so hard on myself and the choice I made. But I’m self-deprecating (which I’m working on), so I give myself a high level of blame and guilt.
I’ll be living in Humboldt Park now, a block from the actual park, and everyone that will be living there are also queer. The upkeep of this apartment is near the opposite of where I’m staying now. All of the people at both houses are wonderful, so I feel like living conditions are just a preferential difference that doesn’t subtract from how they are as people.
All in all, I’m still in a tough spot even with this new living arrangement. I’m still looking for work, and steadily burning out my savings to pay rent, and now I’ll have to do rent plus a security deposit come August. The one interview I managed to get for dog walking said that there were customers on vacation for the summer, so she would only be able to have new hires in the fall. She made it sound like I was a good candidate for a follow-up in the fall, but I think she was just concocting a nice way to tell me I won’t get the job at all. Other than that, I applied to a Dollar Tree, a clothing store, and I am looking to apply to Whole Foods and more dog walking businesses. Whole Foods takes itself too seriously. So I need to give an online application, resume, and cover letter just to get interviewed for a seafood prep position, and that’s stalling the application for me.
Other than that I’m going out to apply for food stamps tomorrow, and I’m still working on my submission to TomGirl zine. Almost done, and it’s due on the 5th. I hope I make it, in that, and life in general.